Solace in Silence

Off went the remote

Yet on flipped my mind

There is solace in silence

Soon I would find

With music or the television always playing

It is hard to hear what the house is saying

The history of it playing before me

It was hard to conceive it could tell such a story

Gatherings of friends and family were brought to light

Parties of days passed created an aroma of delight

I envisioned all the homework hours logged by my brother and I

And in the kitchen baking Irish Soda Bread, my mom I could spy

So many images racing, it was hard to comprehend

If a haunting or joyous one lay around the bend next

Yet for some odd reason, I felt not perplexed

In the recliner, a sense of calmness enveloped my being

The house telling me to pay attention to what I was seeing

For haunting or joyous or monotonous you see,

To this great house belongs each memory

Sitting in silence is a tall task for a mind like mine

One where some thoughts are far from divine

But a challenge like that is one to be taken

There was solace indeed!

I couldn’t be mistaken

So for the meek, the indifferent, and even the bold

Sitting in silence can reveal what you’re meant to be told

Writing Through It

It is often said people are blessed with certain gifts which help guide them in life. The “Gift of Gab”, as some call it, is one I never quite received. I have been told numerous times that my online presence or presence through texting and my presence in person are two different animals. I would have to agree. For some reason, I have never quite been able to express myself as well through talking as I can through writing. Writing to me has always come easier, been a more natural and flowing way for me to communicate.

That brings me to the title of my blog, Writing Through It. I suppose a lot of blogs would explain the purpose or title in the first post. For me, the story about my mom was, as I explained, one that just came to me that day. So, I kind of went with that for the first post. Writing Through It came to me when I was fumbling with ideas for the blog title. I couldn’t really come up with anything right away, but I then thought of the title when thinking about how writing is a great tool for dealing with problems.

Just today, I was struggling with thinking about my life in general and where it should go. I oftentimes do this and most of the time, it doesn’t really go anywhere, with me just circling in my head. When I started writing about it, I got a result that was a little bit different. Instead of just thinking about things, I began to see certain worries, problems, frustrations, and how I perceive myself on the page. This gave a new light to it, almost as if I was getting a different perspective but from myself. Now, at the end of this writing exercise, I didn’t come up with some earth shattering conclusion that will instantly fix everything. Nonetheless, I was able to come up with a different way of looking at things that I think will help me moving forward.

So, if anyone is struggling with a certain issue, I would encourage them to try to write their way through it. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Today, I wrote in a sort of blog style that I am doing now. Poetry is another useful tool to try, which I also am fond of. A lot of the time, you can end up surprising yourself with writing. More often than not, whether I am writing a poem or just a general freestyle kind of piece, it takes a twist or turn somewhere along the line. I am not quite sure why, but usually I kind of have a shift in thinking somewhere around the middle and am able to go in a different and exciting direction that makes the writing piece better. I guess in some ways, that is what I hope to do with this blog. To write about certain issues I am struggling with, or broader issues that are relevant to anyone. Hopefully, I will be able to continue to find new and interesting ways of thinking about topics I write about, which will help not only me, but others as well.

There’s Always More

If I had to pick one word to describe my mom, it would be “more.” If I asked all of her family and friends to come up with one as I did, I’m sure nobody else would say that. In fact, I wouldn’t have either before I really thought about it today.

Earlier today, as I was scraping peanut butter out of a near-empty jar, I recalled what my mom would say. “You can get more out of that. I’ll show you how much is really left.” To some, that may just be a routine daily occurrence, one that wouldn’t really stick in your mind throughout the years. Some may even dismiss her as just another peanut butter stickler. For me, however, it has lingered in my thoughts, and surfaces from time to time.

Why has this one instance lingered in my head? Because it wasn’t just about that one instance. Every time I am nearing the end of a tube of toothpaste, I remember her saying how she could squeeze more out of any tube, even when most would simply throw it away, thinking it had seen better teeth cleaning days.

It wasn’t just with these simple everyday items that she wanted more out of, either. She always wanted more out of her own life, too. Along with the easy task of helping to raise my brother and I along with my dad, she saw a great career as a dental hygienist come to an end as cancer treatments limited the dexterity in her fingers. She could have just thrown in the towel. But she didn’t. My mom went on to get her master’s in Social Work at Smith College and reinvented herself for a second career that was just as, if not more, successful.

This whole notion of wanting more has rubbed off on me, or at least I think. When I struggled in cross country in high school, I knew I could get more out of myself. So, I ran so much the following summer to the point that people made a game out of seeing me running and then conferring as to where they saw me. Sometimes, I would pop up in multiple towns or locations in town on the same day. I was never the fastest runner on the team, but I did make varsity and run the Western Mass. Championship my senior year, which was my ultimate goal. As a rower at the University of New Hampshire, when I struggled most of my first year rowing on the water especially, I constantly asked what I could do to improve. Eventually I did improve significantly, not to the point of being one of the best rowers technically, but I was selected to row in the Head of the Charles by my senior year, something I always wanted to do since I went my freshman year.

Now, as the calendar creeps towards the 3 year anniversary of my college graduation, I can say I certainly want more out of my life. Again, not in a greedy way, but I want to make myself and others around me better. I know my mom would be right there with me, encouraging me to push myself, and to do more. Well, in a way, she is, because I am thinking of her constantly and have a good idea of what she would want for me. I may not have a dream job, or a dream apartment, or a dream relationship, or a dream anything really, but what I do have is a desire to be the best I can be. I have a belief that I can and will do more, even if I doubt myself, which is admittedly something I do more than I should. Do I know exactly what I want to do? Not entirely. It could be writing, something I have always loved. I may want to go back to the mental health field, which I have had experience with personally and in the work environment. I do know, however, that there is nothing more beautiful than knowing I have quite an influence beside me.