Halsey Tugs On Heart Strings At String Shows

Last week, I went by train to Newark, New Jersey to see my favorite artist Halsey perform with a string orchestra at the New Jersey Performing Arts Center for two nights. It was two special “homecoming” shows as part of the 2023 New Jersey North to Shore Festival. With Halsey being a New Jersey native, these were important ones for the now 28-year-old artist.

I, along with many other fans of Halsey, have essentially “grown up” with her. It’s a phenomenon Halsey has mentioned as well throughout the years. I spent most of my twenties since 2015 and now into my thirties listening to Halsey and attending their shows. Over the last few years, I have found a Twitter community of Halsey fans who share the same passion as me and have gone on to meet many of them.

When I first looked at the stage from my balcony seat in the top row on the first night, I was taken aback as I saw drums, expecting only the string orchestra to back Halsey. However, I should have known there are always tricks up the sleeve of Ashley Frangipane.

To kick off the nights, the string orchestra performed a medley of Halsey songs without her on stage, including “Be Kind,” “Control,” and “Alone.” I already got sentimental at that part, which was my cue I’d be in for an emotional two nights.

The very first song of the show, “The Tradition,” was one that would have been a familiar opener to Halsey fans like myself who saw the Love and Power Tour of 2022, as they also opened with it then. This time, however, Halsey put a twist into it and sat at a piano performing instead of being high above the crowd like during last year’s tour. In a moment for me that almost stopped time, Halsey held out the phrase “but they were wrong” which was followed by thunderous applause from the crowd.

What came next was a setlist full of surprises including the live debut of “Bells in Santa Fe” (one of my favorites) off Halsey’s most recent album If I Can’t Have Love, I Want Power. In a display of extraordinary growth, Halsey showed the most vocal agility I have seen from her out of the 12 shows I have attended over the years, holding notes longer than ever and experimenting with different ways of singing.

In an almost “make-up” for the long-lost Manic tour which was cancelled due to COVID-19 outside of some shows in Europe, Halsey performed several songs off their third album by that title. Many of these songs had not been heard live before by US fans, including “Ashley,” “Forever… (Is a Long Time)” and “I Hate Everybody.”

Another trick pulled from the never-ending bag was the first live performance of “Ya’aburnee,” which was clearly an emotional one for obvious reasons to close followers of Halsey.  

Of course, it wouldn’t be a Halsey show without emotional speeches. In night one, they shouted out through tears a former teacher in attendance who was instrumental during the years of high school. Halsey stated she hoped fans would be able to use their work as a way of having a voice in moments of weakness.

Also in typical Halsey fashion, the singer shared how dumbfounded she was with having success over the last 8 or so years, stating they weren’t supposed to make it this far coming from New Jersey and encouranging young fans in the crowd, especially those from the Jersey area, to chase their dreams. I get teary-eyed now when I think back to seeing Halsey for the first time at Madison Square Garden in 2016 and the heartfelt speeches she gave then. Some things never change. The words “you are safe here with me” ring in my head from that night still.  

In another speech which left fans feeling sentimental, Halsey thanked her manager Anthony on night 2 for the belief he had in that 18-year-old kid 10 years ago. Halsey alluded to the power of addition and stated that two New Jersey natives are better than one. What followed was the closer of “Hurricane,” a song from the beginning of Halsey’s career.

It never ceases to amaze me how much Halsey can ratchet up the production from one iteration of shows to the next. I left with the satisfaction of having been treated to a one-of-a-kind show. I’d never seen Halsey in the years I have been seeing her perform with a string orchestra, and perhaps never will again.

Whatever the next album cycle and tour bring from Halsey with their recent signing to Columbia Records, it is sure to dazzle. I for one can’t wait to see how Halsey tugs at our heart strings next, either with literal or figurative strings.

Growing Pains Lead to Gains

In 2018, I wrote a poem on my blog entitled “I Won’t Forget the Good Times.” I had been moving from my home town of East Longmeadow to the big bad city of Boston, in what I thought would be the start of a new life adventure. Well, it was an adventure, but not one that lasted as long as I had hoped. I said goodbye to the town I knew, only to return home in a little over a year.

I asked myself what went wrong. I felt like a failure. There I was writing a blog post about sailing off into the sunset as a hero in my mind and not even 2 years later, I was back.

You see, I’ve learned to not take anything for granted. I was younger then and thought it would be easier than it was to live in the big city. I didn’t know how to budget, didn’t know that making $14 an hour in Boston was not enough to support myself. I quickly and naively jumped into a situation I wasn’t prepared for. Perhaps there is something to be said about that gung-ho spirit, but there was a lack of real planning.

I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I survived, not thrived, in Boston from February of 2018 up until around April of 2019. It was around April of 2019 when the confetti of the Red Sox parade of October had gone away, the relationship I was in had ended two months prior, and I was struggling to find consistent work. It was time to come back home way earlier than I expected.

Since then, I have had a tough time finding my footing career-wise. Of course, the pandemic hit and threw everyone for a loop. Maybe I should give myself a little bit of grace because of that, yet there is a part of me which feels empty about the career aspect.

Despite that feeling of emptiness in some regards, I try to live the best I can now.  I’ve also learned to not hold on to a specific outcome too much. Looking back, I was holding on too tightly to the fact that I wanted to live in Boston (or away from home) for the rest of my life. Well, it is not uncommon for someone in their 20s to move out and not come back. Yet, things happen and those moves are not always permanent. The best things in life have come, I think, when I didn’t try to force the outcome too much and just trusted.

Of course, I am lucky to have had my dad allow me to come home and live here for the years I have after living in Boston. It is a privilege not everyone has. The key is I still have a chance now to live somewhere else and build something, whatever it may be. I am no longer trying to force anything as far as living somewhere else and simply trying to trust the right opportunity will come eventually.

Life is about growth, I think. On paper, my life may have seemed better 5 years ago at this time. I was living in Boston, in a relationship, and had a full-time job. Nowadays, I live at home, am not working (although searching hard), and have no relationship to speak of. More importantly, however, I feel I am more mature and wiser than I was then. I have more inner peace, something that can’t be measured on paper. You can have certain things on paper, but if your mind and heart are not in the right spots, those things will eventually be lost. That was the case with me.

So, I try now to realize I will be more prepared when the next opportunity comes knocking. I don’t know when that will be, but it is OK for now. After all, why should I worry about how my life may look “on paper”? Only I really know the leaps and bounds I have made over the last 5 years and for that, I must give myself credit.

Job Search Reflections

Oftentimes you hear “a job search is a full-time job.” I used to scoff at that phrase and think to myself there was no way you could possibly spend that much time searching for a job. Well, in my case, it certainly has been at least a solid part-time job. I’ve dedicated around 4-5 hours a day, totaling about 25 hours per week Monday-Friday, to searching for jobs. Sometimes, I’ve even tried to sneak a peek on the job boards on the weekends. If you add up the mental energy spent on wondering whether I’ll hear back from a company/trying to follow up or thinking when the next opportunity will come, it may very well total up to be full-time hours.

The job search is not only just scanning job boards and filling out applications. In my case, I have also tapped into speaking with the UNH career center and used my personal network to try to gain job leads. I’ve reached out to an old recruiter I had not spoken with in a long time too.

It really isn’t brought up enough in my opinion just how exhausting and difficult a job search can be. I’ve heard “we will not be proceeding with your application” more times over the last few months than I thought I would. I’ve been “ghosted” by companies and recruiters alike. I’ve had an interview canceled on me 5 minutes before it was to start just yesterday.

As you can see, the job search can feel impersonal sometimes. Spending the time to apply, research the company, and interview, only to hear the generic “we found someone better” or “we are no longer proceeding” can feel very frustrating.

I’ve learned though to not take all these unfortunate happenings personally. The companies or recruiters who do “ghost” or just simply send out a generic rejection are not out to get me. The sad reality is, it is easier to not send any response at all or stop contact with a candidate once they are no longer being considered than it is to reach out and deliver the bad news.

Personally, I would rather hear bad news from a company than nothing at all. At least I would know for sure that I was no longer in the running and could shift more of my attention to something else.

To me, this blog post is a little bit of a break on the search. It gives me the necessary time to reflect and think about what I am doing, the toll it takes on me as far as mental energy. I may simply choose to take tomorrow off and at least not search for jobs. I feel I have earned it. If a company reaches out to me on a previous application, I would be happy to speak with them, but it may be best to not actively seek anything.

In my opinion, this job search has been the most exhaustive (and exhausting) I’ve had to date. In the process, I’ve learned more about my own resilience and perseverance. I’ve learned to not take rejections personally. In past times of being unemployed, it felt like there was nothing to do and I was sitting around moping a lot of days. This time, there is a different energy and I can sense a change.

The job search has given me purpose in a time when I really needed it. Coming off leaving a job that was not good for me emotionally, I didn’t know what the road ahead would bring. I could have sunk back into old habits of lounging around all day and not really doing anything productive for the most part. Previously, I would scan a job board for a bit, get frustrated, and quit for the day. This time, my mind is constantly thinking of different avenues, different people to contact, and different ways to stay motivated.

I may not have found the job yet, but most importantly, I have not given up hope that the next one could be right around the corner.